I am an annoying person. If you know me, then that's it. The way I am. I can try to change, infact I have. But that doesn't work, because then I don't even talk atall, and that is just not me. I am also quite a hypocritical person sometimes. I will say things about the way people are, or judge them about something they do, but then expect them not to do it to me? No, that's not fair of me. But I would say, that most of all, I am a paranoid person. Every little tiny insignificant thing makes a huge impact on me, and I get upset over the stupidest things that shouldn't really matter, and wouldn't to anyone else.
The fact that I'm annoying makes me wonder why anyone could be friends with me. Like me? Love me? I put myself in other peoples shoes. If I were them, I wouldn't give me the time of day. I wouldn't have any time for me. Atall. I'd shut me out, and laugh at me. Maybe in that sense, I'm not hypocritical. I don't expect people do be friends with me, because I'm not the kind of person I would be friends with myself. I have to say, that I don't spend alot of time with people - friends - anymore. We have grown apart, and yes, I would say that it's my fault for not involving myself. But that all stems back to me not wanting them to feel that they have to like me, or have to spend time with me, because I am annoying.
Does that make me hypocritical?
Or does it make me the opposite?
Does it make me a selfish person?
Or does it make me selfless?
I honestly don't know. I guess it depends on who you are ad which way you look at it.
Because I don't believe that anyone should want to like me, or love me. Because I don't want them to feel pressured into spending time with someone like me, I am paranoid. That is why. I don't think that people should feel a certain way about me, but that doesn't mean that I can't feel this way about them. I fall in love deeper than anyone could ever know. And right now, I am stuck, because I'm centered around you. My whole life is centered on you. The way I feel each day depends on you. And only you.
Now that you are at college with all these beautiful and amazing girls, I am even more paranoid, because I know that any one of them could see you in exactly the same way I do. Could fall for you like I did. Can love you in the way I always will. And I don't know why you would want to be with me anymore. Because you could, you can, and you always will be able to do so much better than tiny insignificant little me. And I know this, not as a guess, but as a fact. But I also know that you wouldn't cheat. But that doesn't mean that you won't find something better. Get bored of me. Like I am of myself.
I need to let it go. Not get upset if you take 3 hours to reply to my messages. Not cry if i have to go a whole day without talking to you. Not spend every day thinking that THIS is our last together. I know you need time for yourself, and I want you to have more time without me, because you need it. But I also need to know you're there, and know you love me. And the problem is, that I do know that. I always know that. I just don't believe myself, because I know who I am.
You're the centre of my world.
I need to stop tunneling through to find you. Constantly.
I'm going to do what you need.
What I need.
What we both need.
Loving you always, but only giving you love when you want it or need it.
I'm not making sense, not saying what I want in the way I want to say it.
I'm only using my tunnel when you open the door.
You're still the centre of my world, but I'm taking a walk around the equator.
I don't blog, I write.
Just, Me.
The fact that I'm annoying makes me wonder why anyone could be friends with me. Like me? Love me? I put myself in other peoples shoes. If I were them, I wouldn't give me the time of day. I wouldn't have any time for me. Atall. I'd shut me out, and laugh at me. Maybe in that sense, I'm not hypocritical. I don't expect people do be friends with me, because I'm not the kind of person I would be friends with myself. I have to say, that I don't spend alot of time with people - friends - anymore. We have grown apart, and yes, I would say that it's my fault for not involving myself. But that all stems back to me not wanting them to feel that they have to like me, or have to spend time with me, because I am annoying.
Does that make me hypocritical?
Or does it make me the opposite?
Does it make me a selfish person?
Or does it make me selfless?
I honestly don't know. I guess it depends on who you are ad which way you look at it.
Because I don't believe that anyone should want to like me, or love me. Because I don't want them to feel pressured into spending time with someone like me, I am paranoid. That is why. I don't think that people should feel a certain way about me, but that doesn't mean that I can't feel this way about them. I fall in love deeper than anyone could ever know. And right now, I am stuck, because I'm centered around you. My whole life is centered on you. The way I feel each day depends on you. And only you.
Now that you are at college with all these beautiful and amazing girls, I am even more paranoid, because I know that any one of them could see you in exactly the same way I do. Could fall for you like I did. Can love you in the way I always will. And I don't know why you would want to be with me anymore. Because you could, you can, and you always will be able to do so much better than tiny insignificant little me. And I know this, not as a guess, but as a fact. But I also know that you wouldn't cheat. But that doesn't mean that you won't find something better. Get bored of me. Like I am of myself.
I need to let it go. Not get upset if you take 3 hours to reply to my messages. Not cry if i have to go a whole day without talking to you. Not spend every day thinking that THIS is our last together. I know you need time for yourself, and I want you to have more time without me, because you need it. But I also need to know you're there, and know you love me. And the problem is, that I do know that. I always know that. I just don't believe myself, because I know who I am.
You're the centre of my world.
I need to stop tunneling through to find you. Constantly.
I'm going to do what you need.
What I need.
What we both need.
Loving you always, but only giving you love when you want it or need it.
I'm not making sense, not saying what I want in the way I want to say it.
I'm only using my tunnel when you open the door.
You're still the centre of my world, but I'm taking a walk around the equator.
I don't blog, I write.
Just, Me.
