. . . three . . . two . . . one . . . one . . . one.
Right here, right now, I can think of only one single person who I would trust with my life. I don't know whether it's me who is changing, or if it's the people around me, and if I'm honest, i really don't care. The fact is, that everybody is growing up, moving on, meeting new people. Everyone except me, who seems to be last resort, and bottom of everybody's lists.
People who I've been friends with since I was five are changing. More important things to do, better places to go, different people to see. I'm the one left in the shadows. Again. People who swore we would always be friends are stabbing me in the back, leaking my secrets, using my plans.
As every other kid my age is asking their friends for excuses to tell their parents so that they can go out, I'm asking my parents for excuses to tell my friends so that i don't have to. Because if I do, i know I'm gonna be the one who has the piss ripped out of them, and who nobody actually gives a shit about and ignores for the whole day.
I guess it has to be me, because I've been shunned by everyone. Something I've done, something about the person I am. It's not that everyone else has been injected with bitch, its just that I don't get it.
Now, even the girl who called herself Retro Barbie Doll has changed, lost her title. Well part of it anyway. She's been melted down into pure plastic. Retro Barbie Doll, is now just another Barbie. She was the posh girl, who used the big words, and everybody laughed at because she wasn't the same. She came into our world and said she felt like she was on a 'plastic pedestal'. She knew, even then, just weeks after she started that she had chosen the wrong group of friends. But she was right, there was no going back, the door was closed. I still want her to be herself, and be that funky retro kid she was, joke about the things you want to joke about, speak how you want to speak, use the words you want to use. But, no. Even she laughs at me now. Pure plastic.
There's the girl who laughs at her own friends. "She's ginger, she's skanky, she's greasy, she's ugly, she's hairy, she looks like a man". And I'm not going to deny joining in, at times, when i had to. To be "fit-in". And for some reason, people are too scared to slag off this fat, bitchy, daddy's little princess, all bimboed up in her little blond world. I don't care anymore. I will say what i like and do what i like, because I'm fed up of pretending. Four years is more than enough for me.
I can only think of one person I have said something secret to, who has actually stuck to my wishes and not told anyone. Gossip is just too good nowadays. My bubbly, busty shell has a few cracks, but i think I'm scared of breaking out. If i do, and tell everyone what i really think, I'm going to be left on my own. One girl with absolutely no-one. Are fake friends better than no friends? I honestly don't know, and I am too scared to find out.
One person I can trust, and I would trust you with my life. I will tell you everything you ever want to know about me. Cliche, cheesy, but I love you with all my heart. Always.
I don't blog, I write.
Just, Me.
Right here, right now, I can think of only one single person who I would trust with my life. I don't know whether it's me who is changing, or if it's the people around me, and if I'm honest, i really don't care. The fact is, that everybody is growing up, moving on, meeting new people. Everyone except me, who seems to be last resort, and bottom of everybody's lists.
People who I've been friends with since I was five are changing. More important things to do, better places to go, different people to see. I'm the one left in the shadows. Again. People who swore we would always be friends are stabbing me in the back, leaking my secrets, using my plans.
As every other kid my age is asking their friends for excuses to tell their parents so that they can go out, I'm asking my parents for excuses to tell my friends so that i don't have to. Because if I do, i know I'm gonna be the one who has the piss ripped out of them, and who nobody actually gives a shit about and ignores for the whole day.
I guess it has to be me, because I've been shunned by everyone. Something I've done, something about the person I am. It's not that everyone else has been injected with bitch, its just that I don't get it.
Now, even the girl who called herself Retro Barbie Doll has changed, lost her title. Well part of it anyway. She's been melted down into pure plastic. Retro Barbie Doll, is now just another Barbie. She was the posh girl, who used the big words, and everybody laughed at because she wasn't the same. She came into our world and said she felt like she was on a 'plastic pedestal'. She knew, even then, just weeks after she started that she had chosen the wrong group of friends. But she was right, there was no going back, the door was closed. I still want her to be herself, and be that funky retro kid she was, joke about the things you want to joke about, speak how you want to speak, use the words you want to use. But, no. Even she laughs at me now. Pure plastic.
There's the girl who laughs at her own friends. "She's ginger, she's skanky, she's greasy, she's ugly, she's hairy, she looks like a man". And I'm not going to deny joining in, at times, when i had to. To be "fit-in". And for some reason, people are too scared to slag off this fat, bitchy, daddy's little princess, all bimboed up in her little blond world. I don't care anymore. I will say what i like and do what i like, because I'm fed up of pretending. Four years is more than enough for me.
I can only think of one person I have said something secret to, who has actually stuck to my wishes and not told anyone. Gossip is just too good nowadays. My bubbly, busty shell has a few cracks, but i think I'm scared of breaking out. If i do, and tell everyone what i really think, I'm going to be left on my own. One girl with absolutely no-one. Are fake friends better than no friends? I honestly don't know, and I am too scared to find out.
One person I can trust, and I would trust you with my life. I will tell you everything you ever want to know about me. Cliche, cheesy, but I love you with all my heart. Always.
I don't blog, I write.
Just, Me.
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